Here's the exert...
"If everyone could give a warm welcome to my good friend Fred, The Protruding Belly Button, he's crashing on our couch for the next six weeks. I didn't hear him knock or drop his suitcase in the living room or notice that he's been eating all our Lucky Charms. In fact, I had no idea he was here until Jon grabbed my shoulders one morning, looked me directly in the eyes and said, sweetie, I hate to even bring this up, but I think your belly's got an erection.
I'm resigned to his existence, and sometimes when I'm bored I like to wear really tight shirts in public and watch people try their hardest not to look at him. He's an evil third eye, a really gross physical abomination that demands attention, and when I notice that someone is actively trying to look elsewhere I'll start scratching my belly right next to him to give them an excuse to indulge in the fascination. GO AHEAD. LOOK AT IT. LOOOOOOK AT IT. LOOOOOOOOOOOK. You want me to lift up my shirt and start waving him back and forth? Because I totally will. No, really. Watch, if I bend over like this it looks like he's trying to say something. Hey, don't run away! Come back! My belly button just wants to talk to you!"
Yes, Oscar has caused my belly button to protrude directly straight out of my stomach as though he's saluting everyone that walks by. While patriotic it is quite embarrassing when a strong wind blows and it appears as though he's waving to people. I'm not exaggerating either, my belly button can literally flop up and down...it reminds me of a children's song...
Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Do your ears hang low?
Except my version is....
Does your belly button stick out?
Does it wobble to and fro?
Can you wave it up and down?
Does it make you want to frown?
Can you throw it o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Does your belly button stick out?
Does it wobble to and fro?
Can you wave it up and down?
Does it make you want to frown?
Can you throw it o'er your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Does your belly button stick out?
1 comment:
holy shit tee! this is hilarious! mine did the same thing. it was like a flippin door bell. dooce has a way w/words doesn't she? love the girl.
and, only girls make your belly button pop out like that you know... layla, leta (dooce's first) and the baby in her belly right now is a girl! yeah! bring on baby girl meyer!!
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